The internet's favorite hate-watch franchise just dropped its first actually-good movie and nobody was ready. 'Pinocchio: Unstrung' hit theaters July 24 and the discourse flipped overnight. Ranked, the 5 reasons this one's worth your ticket:
5. The scores don't lie
Debuted at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes — first Fresh film in Twisted Childhood Universe HISTORY — and sits at 75% from 20 reviews. The previous four films would've killed for half that.
4. The puppet is REAL
No CGI creature. Pinocchio is a full practical animatronic from Emmy-winner Todd Masters — the same effects wizard behind the 2019 'Child's Play' Chucky. It blinks. Its mouth moves. It's in the room. Bloody Disgusting's review said it best: "it's a genuine love letter to practical effects and old-fashioned animatronics instead of being some cheap CG slog."
3. Robert Englund is the Cricket
Freddy himself voicing a sinister Jiminy Cricket is the kind of casting that shouldn't be legal. The Cosmic Circus called his performance one for the franchise books — "channeling the sadistic delivery of Freddy Krueger while simultaneously making Cricket feel like an entity all his own." Add Richard Brake as Geppetto and this is the most stacked cast the Poohniverse has ever fielded.
2. The gore delivers
R-rated, 82 minutes, zero filler. Variety — yes, Variety reviewed a Poohniverse movie and mostly liked it — said "it is abundantly gross and grisly in all the ways a cheap-and-cheerful slasher should be" and called the film "something of a triumph for the film's puppetry and animatronic departments."
1. It actually has a story
Geppetto carves the puppet for his orphaned grandson James. The puppet decides protecting the kid means eliminating everything 'bad.' Bodies follow. The Cosmic Circus's line is the one to quote at your group chat: "It isn't just the Poohniverse's bloodiest outing; it's also its most complete film to date."
Fear Feed score: 9.4/10. In theaters now. The 'Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble' crossover is in pre-production, so consider this your homework — and this time it's homework you'll actually enjoy.
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